Boxing Helped Me Walk
Lady MJ Warrior
“The sound of silence oscillates my cells. Somehow amplified by the nothingness of existence. I’ve vanished with volatile velocity from the depths of earth to an obscure limbo-lucid underworld…
The transfixed motion and the seemingly irreversible, correlates with a grey, desolate, frozen atmosphere, that is bizarrely abstract. The turning points in my brain…
The ruthless incapacitation slices my bones in pieces like rusty spinning blades ripping my limbs and a trillion needles micro-tearing my organs . The dynamic force of multiple altered realities strike fierce in my synapses, like thunder and lightning crushing and crashing through my skull endlessly.
Beyond the distorted disconnection of ubiety, I begin to recognise the vociferous, terrifying thuds of my racing heart. I feel so lost in a linear of loneliness and absence of life.
A whisper of light shudders my soul and furiously jolts my consciousness back to a form of the ‘here and now’. My thoughts dart in every direction searching for answers and my senses are even more highly perceptive. I gasp to grasp my breath and find the known realm of creation.
The metaphysical trapdoor flickers open, slightly ajar…Enough for me to hold onto time. For one more moment.
Through sheer confusion, disorientation and shock. I breathe deep, as it is the only logical movement that I am able to make through this agony.
Somewhere through the abyss and battle with duality, the chains of paralysing pain slowly decay from another eery era. Determination and hope of freedom brings me back to the centre of presence…”
The Patience Of A Patient.
After a traumatic brain injury, my life transformed that very second. I have never been the same since. I’ve been rebuilding and alchemising my sublime spirit every day throughout. On 3rd February 2020, it will be my 14 year ‘Brainiversary’ and as a result now bear burdens of multiple, complex and rare neuropsychiatric diagnoses with ‘names in names’. It can be very confusing, though, here’s a segment of some labels… I now live with medical conditions called Functional Neurological Disorder, Dissociation and Seizure Disorder.
I’ve somehow survived well over 50,000 seizures which vary in severity, type and states. All of the literature I have read to date has never really ‘matched’ what it feels like for me or ‘explains’ in thorough depth the intracity of this torture. It breaks me to even think about contending with anymore of this and I keep praying for a brighter day.
I pursue my healing quest and recovery mission through this surreal and unique existence. It feels like I live multiple lives, as people only see the surface, (which is only ‘the tip of the iceberg’) and ‘assume’ that I don’t acquire any health conditions because of my appearance or may be that I’m just a little bit ‘distressed’. It’s difficult for most people to understand.
I am an advocate for invisible disabilities and built a myriad of Causes and projects through music and creativity called ‘Warriors Of The World’ with tours in UK and trips to USA. Which included stays at yoga/wellness retreats. It has been a divine blessing and serene salvation.
The Miracle Of Movement.
I have been seeking answers to recover and decided to try one-to-one boxing lessons. Over a space of time, with regular lessons and exercise, alongside therapy and studying classical vocal music lessons, a wonderful miracle happened and the best thing anyone could dream of…My seizures literally halved!
I continue to push forward facing all of this, to obtain more coherency and try to make my condition evaporate in hope of life quality. Boxing and music is therapy to me and a way of life. My soul becomes alive when I make music and I love recording at the studio. I can see that it is vital for my functionality. I strive greatly to maintain vegan, gluten-free recipes with lots of super-smoothies and various vitamins.
Boxing and martial arts is what I call ‘conscious movement meditation’. Every time I punch the pads, I sense my brain is growing magnanimously with this fast-paced sport. Also it helps to gradually release trauma and repressed painful memories. Propelling through emotions and feelings in a creative and productive way. Furthermore, an incredibly active workout for physique and to improve mental fitness.
Boxing helped me walk again, training myself out of using a wheelchair. Being able to run for the first time again, felt like I was flying!
When I train, I’m not some ‘helpless patient’ with illnesses. I’m the Warrior training like an athlete in my mindset. When on stage performing at gigs, I’m in my element, connecting with an audience in musical harmony. It’s an all-round healing experience.
Mindset Of A Warrior.
On my enlightenment expedition, I have to adjust my day at any given time, while being adaptable and flexible. I’m driven with a high discipline and push myself in ways that I never thought humanly possible! I practice methods of presence, gratitude and learning profound forgiveness, which is a work in progress. Alongside writing music, lyrics and poetry, as such.
I analyse my thoughts and toil to capture the central nervous system trauma responses when ‘detecting threat.’ To bypass the default options such as ‘Fight. Flight. Freeze. Flop’ retraining one’s immediate and subconscious reactions. (I also read about a ‘Friend’ and ‘Fawn’ response.)
A recent lesson, I had my first full day as a human being (in years) and almost escaped the frightening ‘Zombie World. I can become amazingly cognizant when I train, specifically boxing and more recently with Muay Thai. It’s even more extraordinary to be using all of my anatomy. My teachers/trainers and gym are very understanding and adapted to my quick-changing situation, which of course is what happens in boxing matches and martial arts fights. It’s a Warrior team effort.
Roll With The Punches.
A few months ago, I kept having really bad collapses, worse than the usual. Through falling, I hurt my wrist for maybe 6 weeks, so I had to train boxing using one hand, and just kicking combinations. This was a good balance challenge!
Not long after I kept throwing up every day for about a month,(just another symptom to the list) I could barely eat and was forcing food to ingest some nutrition and strength. Though, I don’t give up and continue to train. My Teacher and I, try what I call ‘Tai chi boxing’ with light pad work, very low impact of boxing only.
I always do my best to attend my lessons, even if I only make a short amount of time, disappear in my brain, wobble, stumble, convulse, collapse, heave my guts up, you name it. Through my ‘break dancing and body popping’. I just get back up ‘crunch the bones back in’ and keep going…Just like a tough fighter battling in the boxing match. They don’t quit. (Quitters never win. Winners never quit!.)
Last lesson I became very unwell about half way through and it was a really bad day, I’ve lost more time in recovery days. (Which would amount to years, sadly.) The invisible force in my unusual organ will not stop me from trying. I definitely have earned the Belt for K.O’s (Knocked out by self!) That’s quite an extraordinary achievement and must be a world record! Hey, if you’re going to be K.O’d anyway, why not in a boxing/martial arts gym!
Energy Transference.
I believe that everything is all interconnected energy. I also feel it’s about finding ways to synchronise with the life flow and channelling energy points. Accessing portals in the soul, body and mind, to extract, cleanse, transport and/or transmute the pain, to nourish the Being with healing bliss. Like connecting with the meridian points. It is a movement of trapped chronic energy that needs to be ‘shifted’ out of one’s anatomy, which will accelerate cellular regeneration.
This can be assisted with music and movement. Humans are constantly producing trillions of cells on a daily basis. With the wonders of neuroplasticity and neurogenesis, one can develop advanced, neural pathways. The cells are made up of atoms ‘fuzzy spheres’. Every atom has its own electric field. When atoms are close together, it can alter the fields. The sensors in the body sends a message along the nerves to the brain.
For example bioelectromagnetic and cytoplasm morphology, which I anticipate can signal migration process from sounds, playing a musical instrument, singing and writing clemency, also from hitting the boxing bag/pads as such. This connection is like freeing stored and repressed information that may be causing and/or triggering illnesses. This detoxification of stagnant energy, makes room for new, healthy data.
Breathwork To Footwork.
As a music artist and through boxing training, breathwork is crucial. I’ve been practicing a few different breathing techniques and one is called ‘Box breathing.’ Which can help to reduce anxiety and discomfort. Also it assists with a focal point in the mind and of course inhaling fresh oxygen.
It’s about learning to manage what you can, in a catastrophe. Breathwork and ‘reaction to reactions’ are some techniques that can be implemented to diminish the anguish and in the long term, potentially prevent degeneration. Thinking fast on your feet, ducking, weaving, bobbing, pivoting and out-manoeuvring the knocks and collisions.
Boxing helps me to think differently and resourcefully. It calms the storm in my mind and helps the ‘brain wounds.’ I can consider another solution that had never even been thought of, because I’m trying to find answers to questions that haven’t been discovered; and answers to questions that we don’t know exist. Every step is one step closer to my goals and working through rehabilitation.
Strength In Sadness
It’s been an adventure to say the least, with lots of time in hospital over the years, enduring multiple levels of consciousness, out of body experiences and near-death survivor. My best friend Lea voluntary cares and supports me. Though I carry a lot of this alone. It is very isolating and can trigger depression which can exacerbate my health. It is like a spiral.
When the whirlwind strikes, it can be hard for me to cope with people seeing me ill and how they cope, react, or panic. It can feel humiliating, as I feel defenceless, as something is happening to me out of my control and there is little to no warning or predictability. This is why I think boxing and martial arts relates with my psyche and works highly effectively. I’m having the biggest fights of my life inside the brain to remain coherent through chronic pain. Somehow the boxing helps soothe and release the pain.
I’ve been falling, trembling, shaking and/or can barely see, and keep trying to get back up, leaning against a boxing bag or the gym counter. I’m just trying to move my hands and keep the coordination, in the hope to curtail and ‘cure’ the condition with a healthy distraction. Picking up a pen and notepad to write, eases the struggles too. Music is my calling and Guardian Angel through this enigmatic cataclysm.
Becoming A Champion Of Life.
Due to the complexity, I have to train a lot without being at a gym/studio at the moment, and build a routine as best. I love training to music (Especially Hip hop and Drum & Bass.) I have felt that I can reach peaks of optimum Gamma frequency mind-states, and experienced the most tranquil strength, with clarion vision, which enables me to create amazing masterpieces and dexterously progress.
For fellow patients, consistency is one of the keys. Research, find a good trainer and be open about your health, take your time and be kind to yourself. Don’t be afraid to try new activities or sports just because of what society ‘expects’. Do what makes you happy and what you envisage will improve your wellbeing. You will find good teachers/trainers/music mentors out there and before you know it, you will be participating in a sports/music/activities you love. Seek medical advice for activities and exercises that may be best for your health.
Arrange regular appointment times that can suit. It will build a ground-breaking routine. Depending on your accessibility, (I understand the frustrations and difficulties with restricted access, so utilise cardio videos, which of course isn’t the same though, at least it’s something.) My Neuro said to me a long time ago “It doesn’t matter just show up, do what you can, when you can. It’s about being there.” (As I kept feeling upset about being late or missing a lesson for various reasons.) If/when you are able to train, be honest with your teacher/trainer about ‘where your head is at’ each lesson, so you can work together to reach your goals.
Train To Heal.
I would highly recommend sports and music to anyone, especially to help overcome mental challenges. You never stop cultivating your mind-It is constantly growing, changing and repairing. Boxing has been compared to chess, as it’s a game of wit, with the fitness perks! Music is one of most beautiful miracles in the Omniverse, that can mend you in the most unexplainable ways.
My empirical conclusion is, that when being trained/assisted by professional instructors and music mentors, that’s when I find the most ‘brain rewards’ and improvement. It has even brought me back many times through and from Dissociative states. It’s not simple or straightforward. It is equal input from knowledgeable instructors/teachers and professionals.
I’ve been really lucky to find the most remarkable teachers/gyms/music mentors on my journey. They have helped me heal and change my life. I can never forget. When I do my own training, I implement all the skills to make productive decisions through the Muay Thai and music. I’ve participated in lots of different sports and love them all so much, though I find boxing and martial arts works best.
I wish the lovely Doctors could prescribe more holistic alternatives with music therapy and sports therapy options, to assist with a patients rehabilitation, as it can feel like ‘masking a problem’ with medication as a long-term solution. Though I am eternally grateful to my Doctors who have been amazingly supportive.
Fitness Is The Formula.
There are phenomenal health benefits from boxing, martial arts and exercise. This magical formula combines so well with our physiology, increasing mobility and balance. Exercise can reduce the risk of major illnesses and helps to keep the muscles, bones and joints strong. Increasing cardiovascular conditioning and weight management as such.
Fitness boosts serotonin levels, bringing energisation and happiness. This decreases anxiety, enabling one to become more intuitive of surroundings and inner-environment. There is also a change in thought patterns, modulation of cognition, memory improvement and intellect optimization. Consociating with the observer, focus and presence. Confidence is another tremendous remedy which will assist with self-care and self-love… It starts within!
Music Is Medicine.
A fraction of the healing benefits utilising music therapeutically, can release tension from every day stresses and assist with pain reduction of debilitating illnesses. Transitioning one to a placid, positive state. Music can repair cells and unlock dungeons that the mind can constitute without conscious awareness, helping to unblock trauma in a salubrious way.
Availing music and sound vibrations as natural sedatives and mind stimuli, can generate emotional response realms, which send signals to all parts of the brain. This helps with co-ordination, movement, memory, rhythm, timing, concentration, motor- sensory and decision making. Music is a form of expression that makes the heart dance!
